[Didn’t want him to worry? How in the world was he not supposed to worry? Loki knew when he’d messed up. He wasn’t exactly sure how he had fucked up this time, but it was clear he had if Sky didn’t want to talk to him anymore. Even if it was only temporary.
The one small saving grace was that he was with Duo. Loki trusted all the Gundam pilots, but of course Duo the most and he knew that Sky would be well taken care of. He was going to need to talk to Duo soon, get an update on how Sky was really doing and maybe cry on his shoulder as he tried to figure this all out.]
[Sky sits on Duo's bed facing the bottom, head pillowed on his arm where it rests on the bed. It's obvious he's been crying a little by the red around his eyes. He gives the camera a weary smile, and sighs quietly. ]
Hey love. I don't even know where to start. I guess I should start with I'm sorry. I did need time to process everything that happened. It... It was a big shock, and I think, I think I didn't realize how strongly I felt for Dean. I don't even know what happened, and I guess I blamed you where I don't even know if it was your fault completely. I'm sorry for that. It hurt so much.
I love you Loki. I hope you realize that will never, ever change. I promised you that, but I don't know if you realized how much I meant it. I know I'm not great with emotions yet, but when I love, I really do. I'm scared, I'm hurt, but I know that I really need to see you. I miss you so much, and I hate -I guess I hate the thought that Duo leaves here every night to sleep with you, and I don't. I want to be in your arms.
[tears flow now, and he's really sick and tired of crying so he gets a little angry at it, reaching up to fling them away with a small growl.] Fuck. I fucking hate this. I'm so tired of it all. I keep trying to shut it off, but I can't, I just can't. I'm so tired all the time. I, I need to see you and I hope that you'll see me. Please? I'm so sorry. I love you so much Loki. Can you forgive my stupid ass?
[The video is hard for Loki to watch. He can see how visibly upset Sky still is and it fills him with deep shame and guilt. He’s still not one hundred percent sure what he did, but he does hope Sky will tell him so he can make sure never to do it again.
It’s stunning to him that Sky still loves him, somehow, someway. Despite the previous messages where he’d been told the other man just needed more time, it had spelled doom to Loki’s mind. People did not usually forgive him for his more serious transgressions and this had felt quite serious. Still, through it all, he hadn’t been able to stop worrying about Sky. Waiting each night for Duo to arrive with an update on the specialist’s well-being. It hadn’t mattered to Loki how much pain he’d felt over what had happened, all that mattered was that Sky was okay.
The moment the video is done, Loki calls back. There are tears in his own eyes as he begins to speak.]
Can I come to you now? I would very much like to see you in person. I feel as though I should be asking you for forgiveness, not the other way around. I am home, if you would like to come here, or I can meet you there. Whatever is easier for you, I will do.
[There's a huge slump of relief in Sky's shoulders and tears immediately spring to his eyes when he hears Loki. He knows he's been trying to be strong, to keep his mind straight and together, but he always falls apart when it comes to this. Would it always run this deeply he wondered. ]
Yes, I mean. I'm in Duo's room. It's mostly private for now. Unless you want me to come there. I don't want to leave you again Loki. Ever. Maybe I should come there. I think I need to make a few new promises to you, and ask a couple questions. Good ones. I love you. I love you so much. I'll be there as quick as I can.
[There's a brief moment where Loki almost offers to come and get Sky, teleport there and then back, but he knows he needs a minute to get himself together. Only Duo really know how hard Loki had been taking all this. He likely wouldn't have slept at all if Duo hadn't come to stay with him every night. Even then, he'd tossed and turned, barely getting much rest at all, his only comfort in getting news from Duo and being held on those long, sleepless nights. The problem was, the only thing that was really going to make Loki feel better was having Sky in his arms again.]
Yes, please come here. I do not wish to be interrupted. I... I love you too. More than you can know.
It really doesn't take long before Sky is there at Loki's doorstep. This time he looks a lifetime better than the last time they were apart. He didn't for the first several days, but being at Gundam house kept him sane at least. It wasn't easy. The hurt that Sky faced was only smeared along the wound that he was still trying to heal from the orgy. It all bled together into something massive that the young specialist had no true capability of handling.
By this time, Sky realized how young and alone he really was in the majority of things. He knew in his heart and the very fiber of his being that he loved and belonged to Loki. They'd barely had time to reconcile their feelings for one another, for Sky to even come to terms with it being real-- for him to stop pinching himself even, before what he considered a tragedy hit. He was fucking 19 for fucks sake. He'd had a total of three sexual partners in his life, and yes, it had equated to a lot of fucking sex. He was with his first true girlfriend a lot. She had used him, and he her for so many things. They were emotionally damaged, and codependent.
His second relationship barely lasted, and he'd been with her a scant amount of times even if he'd fallen for her. She took his heart from almost the first time they met, and then she was gone, giving up her life for the greater good. By then Sky had died, and killed, killed so many times, including his own father. It was life lived, but that didn't make him old. It gave him life, but he was still only nineteen in so many respects-- no one realized that lately, and they probably should have. Loki did, but Sky didn't think about it. He only knew how to run away at that point. He knew how to run away from the pain, and to hide.
That's what he'd done essentially. The pain had become too much, all of it. The emotions too much, the highs and lows, the rifts in his heart, even though there was so much good. It was right next to so much that stripped away all he'd gained in the prison along with it. Sky had trouble focusing on anything at all. It took going to the Gundam house to slowly refocus on who he was by himself as a person. Who was Sky, who did he love, why did he love him, and why did the other people in his life matter to him. What was he willing to live with and without. These were the questions he asked and answered.
The answer was quite simple when it came down to it all. He was Sky, a specialist from the Otherworld, who came to this prison for numerous crimes. He came, and he learned how to care more about people, and how to share himself in ways he never knew he could. Maybe he didn't do great with sex without emotions, so he'd do his best to stay closer to the people he knew.
The greatest thing he knew? He loved, and he loved without measure, without boundaries, and within a capacity that he'd never done before. So he waited on the doorstep, hopping back and forth until Loki answered that door, and the second it was answer, it was with unabashed freedom that Sky launched himself into his lover's arms. "Loki! My love, can you please forgive me. I am so so so so sorry for all the pain I put you through. I know that we have so much to talk about,but I want you to know that I love you above all else, and I will never take myself away from you like that again. I promise."
Unlike Sky, Loki looked much worse for wear. He’d been worrying about Sky pretty much non-stop since things had fallen apart, even before really. How Sky had been when he’d first gotten out of solitary had shaken Loki deeply, even more so when he found he couldn’t really help him. He’d thought he’d get better at helping those he cared about, but that had really shown him how much he still had to learn.
Sky might be young, but mortals often forgot that Loki was actually quite young for his species. He was really only the equivalent of about 20 for his race. And the reality was, Sky had much more experience when it came to relationships. Before coming to Reparacija, Loki had never had a relationship like this. Duo was the first person he’d committed to in any significant way. All of his previous encounters of a sexual nature had been just that, sex. He hadn’t had trouble finding that kind of attention on Asgard. Many men and women had found him attractive enough and thought it might be a chance to find out more about Thor. Being royalty hadn’t hurt either, but no one had ever wanted more from the trickster prince.
As such, detaching his emotions from sex hadn’t just happened, it had been a necessity. Sex had allowed him to feel close to people and shutting off any associated emotions had allowed him to survive the aftermath. Before long it had become second nature, something he didn’t even notice anymore. Having feelings for someone he slept with was new for him and apparently he hadn’t been dealing with it well.
The second he heard Sky at the door, Loki teleported to the front hall and threw the door open. Within seconds he had an armful of the specialist and Loki felt absolutely overwhelmed. He wrapped his arms tightly around Sky and buried his face in his neck, trying to hold onto his own emotions as Sky spoke.
“You have nothing to apologize for. I am so sorry I hurt you. It was never my intention.”
By whatever stars there were in the sky and gods that populated the first world it scarred up Sky's heart the second Loki answered the door. He'd not been prepared to see the other man in this state of disarray. He'd known that his move had been selfish, and done for the sake of self-preservation, but he hadn't thought about how hard it would be on Loki. Sky understood in his heart how very much he loved the god, and so it never occurred to him that he'd worry the other as much as he did.
It was very obvious now that he'd crossed a lot of boundaries in their relationship, and taken their love for granted, a thing that he would never do again. A thing that he never should have done in the first place, especially in the name of people he merely cared about. It was a rip through his heart, but it shouldn't have been a punishment for Loki. Sky had never intended it to be as such. He was now realizing that he'd inadvertently made it exactly that.
His joy turned to such sorrow and twisted around into guilt. He closed his eyes and held Loki even tighter if it were possible. "Shhh, shhh. No, it's okay. It's all okay, baby. I'm so sorry. I did this to you. I should never have done this. I was selfish Loki. You didn't mean for this to happen and no one could have fucking known that this would end up this way. No matter what was said, it was still words, and shit. I love you, and that means more to me than anything else, okay? More than Dean, and more than Castiel. Our relationship is way more important than theirs, or mine with them.
It was time for Sky to take Loki by the face and given that their heights were similar, he was actually able to pull the god's face around to look into his eyes. "Look at me now. Hear me right here. I was going to wait, but I'm going to make this promise to you. A promise. A vow. I take those seriously, and don't make them lightly. I swear to you now that I will never leave you like that again. I won't push you away in anger. I won't go to sleep with a fight between us. I don't even want to live as far away as I do. I will find a way to move closer some how. I need you Loki. I can't live without you in my life. I love you more than any problem I have, anything either of us suffer. Unless the prison drags me away, I am with you. " Sky took a deep breath, and leaned in and sealed his words with a soft brush of their lips.
The specialist didn't think that he'd ever spoken more important words beyond the first time he told Loki that he loved him. This was his vow, and he was incredibly serious about it. He kissed the side of the other's head, and into his hair. "I love you. I don't think I can say it enough. I was so wrong for this. I was lost in too many emotions, but they weren't your fault. I didn't know what to do with them so I ran, and you didn't deserve to be punished for that. Okay, my love. You didn't. This isn't your fault, and I swear from here on out, we will do this together."
In absolutely no way did Loki blame Sky for any of this. He could never blame him for how he felt. Sky had had every reason to be upset after the orgy. He did wish that they could’ve had a better conversation about it, that perhaps they could’ve cleared things up sooner, but it was nothing he thought required an apology from the specialist. The specifics didn’t really matter. Sky had been hurt and he had the right to feel that way and deal with it however he needed. It was not Loki’s place to complain, nor could he imagine blaming anyone for such a thing, especially not Sky.
It all made sense to him, really. Loki would likely have done the same thing. How could he fault Sky for being upset that he had lost someone close to him? Relationships of all kinds were often difficult and Loki could hardly blame Sky for wanting to figure some things out after everything that had happened. He was only sorry he couldn’t help fix things for him. And really, all Sky had asked for was time, which Loki had gladly given him, even if it had hurt to do so.
“No,” Loki said then, pulling back just enough so he could look Sky in the face, though he kept his eyes averted. He smiled softly even as his eyes shone with tears. “You did nothing wrong. I understand why you needed to go away for a while. What happened to you, whether intentional or not, was stressful, hurtful and hard. You had every right to be angry, and every right to deal with it however you needed. I am only sorry I couldn’t do more to help.” He was also sorry that he’d been a part of it at all. “You are allowed friends, you should have all the friends. I am so sorry things turned out as they did with Castiel and Dean. I hope one day they understand.” Loki knew that Cas and Dean hadn’t meant what happened to have happened, but hopefully one day they might understand why Sky reacted as he did.
It wasn’t until Sky firmly took his face in hand that Loki finally blinked and looked Sky in the eye. As Sky spoke, Loki let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, his expression softening as the tears finally released and spilled down his cheeks, even as his smile widened. “I cannot tell you how good it is to see you, and to hear that. I had worried I had pushed too hard. I only hope you know I always had your best interest at heart, even if I went about it the wrong way.”
Loki sighed, leaning more against Sky. “I am simply glad you are okay.”
For a bit now so many things had felt like they were racing ahead without Sky's control, all while somehow still moving in a terribly, horrid slow pace that wanted to burn him with every cut and turn. For a young male, an older teen who prided himself on the control he held over every aspect of his life, to lose so much of it in such a short time span really felt like he'd shot himself in the foot, and then a few other places. it hurt, fucking a lot.
The people lost confused him, and he still couldn't completely make sense of it all. It confounded his head in the best of situations, even when he'd tried to come at it from a place of cold rationale, there was no filling in the gaps across what had happened. All he could do was face his truths and pull the parts of his life he could control back together.
He had those Norns to thank again that Loki was still even here for him after the things he'd done, the way he'd retreated into his own after sharing their love together so recently. It was a rough go, but love could be rough and Sky was finding out very quickly that it really was true love that held the distance between points and carried out when the rubber hit the road. Sky continued to shake his head as Loki gave him excuse after excuse. Sky didn't need them any longer. He'd come to his conclusions now, and he was happy to be here. He was relieved and finally at peace.
All he wanted was to feel Loki against him, to wrap himself up in the warmth of the other man and know that they weren't going to be apart anymore. "You can't push me too hard, love. I know you did what you did because you love me. It was a mess, and I didn't tell you all the facts, so it wasn't all your fault either. I think things ended up the way they were supposed to, fucking orgy. I am never going to go to one of those without you, or without supervision. " He laughed. He might go to one again, but it wouldn't be without someone with him all the time. Sky still enjoyed sex, but he was beginning to see that he was different about it than some people.
"I'm glad that you are okay too. " He kissed Loki again, breathing in the air of being together, of being able to touch Loki fully. His hands glided over a welcome form and slid under his shirt. "I don't ever want to be so far apart from you again. Mentally, or physically. I wouldn't live as far as I do if I didn't have to. I hate it."
That would be something Loki could understand easily. Most everything in his life had felt out of control for the last few years. He'd schemed and planned and done everything in his power to try and hold onto some sort of control, but it had all flown away from him like smoke through the air. It wasn't like he needed control all the time, in fact Loki tended to flourish in chaos, but it had felt like he was losing everything important to him. He figured this was how Sky had felt about losing Cas and Dean.
In Loki's mind, Sky hadn't done anything that would make him leave. If anything, he'd thought Sky was going to be done with him. He couldn't have blamed him. Loki had lost him two of his closest friends in the prison. It didn't matter that it had not been his intention, Sky had every right to be upset. If anyone needed to thank the Norns, it was Loki for not pushing Sky away completely. Now he would do anything to make it up to him, to show him how much he loved him and wanted him around. Nothing less would do.
Loki hugged Sky tight, pressing his face into his neck and simply breathing him in for a moment. "I did, but I am very sorry it hurt you. I simply could not let it lie. I swear, I tried to be reasonable. I only wanted them to know so that they wouldn't repeat their actions in future. I thought there would be an apology and you would talk about it, not that they would abandon you. I cannot apologize enough. I should've thought through it more, but these things anger me so much now. I could not bear the thought of someone I love being hurt that way again.
"I think with some rules in place, it is possible you could have a good time at an orgy. These things are not for everyone though. You do not need to attend if another happens." Loki pulled back just enough to look Sky in the eyes again, wanting him to know he was serious. Not all kinks were for everyone and there was no shame in that.
A real and honest smile spread across Loki's face. "I do have another room, you know. I meant it when I said it is available to you whenever. That could be always, if you want it."
It was funny the contrast in their thinking. While Sky did feel completely out of control about all of this, he blamed himself. He never would allow another person to take the blame for the things that he had initiated, or the things that he'd said yes to. He had taken his upset out on people at the times he needed to and for the things that they'd hurt him about. He was over with it now. Sky was not a man that held onto bitter grief, unless it was his father. He could be a bit of an arse, but there had been only one man to truly get under his skin, and he'd forgiven even him in the end.
Chaos was the worst thing that plagued the specialist, and now that it was smoothing out, Sky would deal with the fallout the best he could. He had no idea what his relationships with people would look like from here on out, or if he'd have many other relationships, but he'd do his best to keep track of what he did have and to nourish it.
Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm Loki some. He shook his head. "It's truly okay. I am okay about it all. It happened and now they will live their best lives together. I will live my best life with you. If they don't understand us, and I don't understand them, then that's how it's going to be. We can't be angry about things we can't change. Don't be angry about the past, Loki. It only makes you stressed and bitter, and I found you like that. I mean, I enjoy fucking you out of it, but I don't like you in that mood."
There was a small smile on Sky's lips as he caught Loki's for a kiss, this one deeper than the last and full of intent and meaning. He wanted the god to remember what they really were to one another. He gripped tight at Loki's hair and yanked on it hard, gathering up his attention. He remembered all too well how loki responded to his dominance and Sky wouldn't hesitate to use it now. Biting at the god's lip, he sucked on it firmly until it dropped from between them.
Sky's lip curled at the side. "We'll see about an orgy if and when there is another one. What I want to hear again, is that you mean it about that room? I can come and live with you, at your house? You mean that I don't have to stay in that sorry fucking excuse of a cube? Loki..." He wrapped his arms tight around his lover again, and tried hard not to let himself cry from relief, but it was hard. The last thing that Sky wanted was to go back to that place alone again. He hated leaving the warmth of Loki's embrace, and to even have the chance of staying by his side as they slept now and then... it was a blessing.
One day, Loki would have to ask Sky how he did that, how he could let go of bitter grief like that. It was something that Loki had never been very good at himself. Mostly his hurt churned and boiled within him as he plotted ways to get back at who he’d thought had wronged him or hurt him. Loki was very much an emotional being that often had trouble containing himself. Though he’d gotten a bit better at calming himself, this was something still very true about himself. Something he wasn’t sure he could change even if he wanted to.
While they might have a slightly differing opinion on chaos in general, Loki thought he could understand why Sky thought it a bad thing. It could certainly bring upheaval that was unwanted and that had certainly happened to the young specialist a lot lately. Still, he would agree that Sky was dealing with this all in a good way. Sometimes you could not control how others reacted and you simply had to learn to live with that, unfortunate as it might be.
Loki huffed slightly as Sky spoke, but a small smile also pulled at his lips. “I do not have a good record of controlling my emotions over such things very well. I do tend to blame myself when people I care for are hurt, largely because I am used to being the cause, but I am trying to be better. I am trying to let these things go, please know that.” And that was all he could really do at the moment. He would try, both for his own wellbeing and for Sky, but he didn’t want to make promises he wasn’t sure he could keep. Though with Sky, he would definitely try his best.
After everything they'd been through, Loki could hardly imagine forgetting, but even if he could, the fierce kiss and pull to his hair would have easily been enough to remind him. Loki gasped into the kiss before kissing back with everything he had. Sky was very correct, Loki have enjoyed his dominance quite a lot and this was bringing that all back to the forefront of his mind.
“Yes,” Loki said breathlessly with a wide smile on his face. “The room is all yours. You could move in right now if you want.” Loki felt like he was going to burst from both relief and happiness. He returned the embrace fully, laughing slightly as he felt overjoyed at the response he got. Not all that long ago he’d thought he’d lost Sky forever, so now to have this was more than he ever could’ve asked for.
There were still wells of pain inside of Sky and a hole that was left behind by the people that he lost. It was what had to be. The only way Sky knew, or figured he'd be able to move on with it, was to throw himself into the man that he loved and fight for all that they had. He honestly wasn't completely healthy in how he handled all that had happened to him, and there would be fallout for what happened at the orgy in time to come.
The sex that he had with other people would most certainly be different, and it was doubtful that anyone would be able to gag or handcuff him in any near future. None of that was Loki's fault. The parts that Loki played in hurting Sky had been turned around. They had been forwarded into love, and love was something that Sky was learning how to do, and in leaps and bounds.
Allowing himself the freedom to let go, and really love this wonderful man in front of him was all the nurturing or payback he needed. Let everyone see what they had and be fucking jealous. Let them see that he can make it work, and that he's really fucking happy and not emotionally messed up anymore.
He nuzzled Loki after their exchange, and bit at his lip again playfully. "I'm not controlling myself. I'm focusing it all on you. All my pain and hurt I'm turning to love. Fuck anyone who ever doubted, who ever thought I couldn't get myself together and really love. Let them see us, and see what happy looks like. Let them see me living and not a basket case. That's revenge enough."
Looking around at the room, Sky laughed. He barely had anything in the tiny cube that he considered his, a few things the prison gave him for being good at fucking, and some clothes he bought. That was about it. He hadn't gone out of his way to make the tiny space his. This though, was more than enough. It already felt like home. "You know I'll be here tonight. I'll go get my stuff as soon as you're done helping me make this room officially mine... and yours." He laughed, and ran his fingers along the inside of Loki's shirt, tracing over remembered lines that he was beginning to grow attached to.
Whatever fallout there might be, Loki would stand by Sky’s side. He had been hurt and had reacted as such. He could not see a reason why Sky should be blamed for any of that. Simply because it had not necessarily been the intention of those who had hurt him did not mean he had not been hurt. Though it wouldn’t surprise Loki if this all came to a head at some point. People did not like hearing how they had hurt people. That was something he was intimately familiar with.
Loki still felt a lot of guilt surrounding how he had been one of the people to hurt Sky, but in retrospect, he knew there was little he could do about it other than move on. In future he would be more clear about what he might do if they were ever to attend an orgy together again, or they could set out rules. There were ways to deal with these things, ways he should have thought of before they had attended any orgy, but live and learn, he supposed. Now he knew to take extra special care with Sky and he vowed never to hurt him again.
A wide grin spread across Loki’s face. “Well, I admit I am enjoying the attention. You are right, revenge is best served by showing them how they do not affect your life anymore. You have me now, and I promise to always treat you well. You are wonderful and deserve nothing but the best. Everyone else can go to Hel.” He meant it. Sky was under his protection now. He knew he was getting along with others too. He didn’t need those who didn’t treat him as the most wonderful person Loki knew him to be.
Loki cupped Sky’s face before leaning in and placing a chased kiss on his lips. “You better be here tonight, and every other night.” With Sky moving into the last bedroom, Loki somehow felt complete. Like his found family was now all under one roof and he could relax, knowing he could keep them all safe. It wasn’t fully true, seeing as some also lived other places, and he had friends he would fight for as well, but it was still something that gave him more peace than he’d known was possible.
In Sky's mind things had already come to a head regarding the events of the orgy and he didn't need anything more to happen in regards to it. The other people that hurt him were not ones that he was prepared to meet in the prison and he wasn't sure what would happen if he might come across them, but all things in time. Right now Sky was going to focus on the things that he had going for him.
Echos of the pain that Sky felt when he'd seen Loki at the orgy still existed, but Sky had worked hard to forgive the man he loved over the time they'd been apart. There had been a lot of work done in Sky's heart and mind. He was angry for a while, but with some focused training and letting himself actually feel his emotions instead of trying to always repress them all, Sky managed to get through it all. Now he felt worlds better about everything. He came to the conclusion that he'd just shared with Loki, a healthy one. Finally.
"I know you will, love. You always do treat me well and the times when we've had misunderstandings it's mainly been because we didn't communicate before, or didn't understand one another. The rest of the world around us really can go fuck off." Nuzzling into Loki's embrace, Sky fingered over the smooth skin of Loki's back tracing up along the well known places of his spine, and into the small secret places he knew where all the dips and muscles traded off into sensitive spots that made the god sigh.
"I will never ever need to sleep without you. I think that will be one thing I'd like to make sure of, is that no matter what this prison does, is that I'll come home to you every night, to kiss your face, and love you some before bed." He hoped that one day they'd be able to sleep in the same bed at night, but he knew that for now it was good enough that he had a room in the same house and that he could make the promise to always come home, and never stay the night at another person's house. This was a tiny show of love that he could give in a prison that made relationships so very difficult.
It did seem it was time to put everything that had happened at the orgy behind them. Sky seemed to have worked through all that had hurt him that night, even if he wasn’t fully recovered. He was on the right road and that was all Loki needed. Keeping those he loved happy and safe had become quite the priority for him and he would always do everything in his power to make sure that was always so.
“I must apologize for my part of not communicating well. I know sometimes I seem to have it all together, but relationships truly are quite new to me, at least this kind of relationship. It was not something I ever thought I could have or even deserved so I never put much thought into it. I am afraid it has been a bit of a learning curve.” He smiled softly at Sky, just so happy he hadn’t ruined everything. He might have to actually start praying to the Norns if his luck kept up like this.
Sky’s words filled him with a sense of peace he hadn’t often known. It felt like a promise with more intent than Loki was used to and he truly couldn’t be happier. He didn’t actually need Sky to promise these things, but he appreciated it none-the-less. “Then I shall look forward to every evening and every moment we spend together. Now, after you get your things, we can see about making your room more to your style, if you wish. It is really quite generic right now. Please know you may do with it anything you wish and I would gladly help with whatever you may need.”
There were a few things that Sky wouldn't do again, but he was truly well now that he had the single man that loved him the most in the world by his side. There was nothing more that he needed beside him any longer. The anger, the fear, it was all subsiding in the face of falling back together with the puzzle piece that fit him. It was fate in a way he never knew could happen like this.
"We all have trouble with talking sometimes. You can't fucking blame yourself all the time. I know that you're new to relationships like this, and so am I. I only had one screwed up relationship before this with Stella, and one that... well, you know what happened to Bloom. I told you earlier. I used to blame myself, but I know it's not all my fault. You deserve both Duo and myself. You're wonderful, and I'm so lucky to fucking have you." He brushed his fingers along Loki's face and leaned in to kiss him softly, nuzzling their lips together before tracing the outside of Loki's lips with his tongue, flicking across them playfully with a smile.
"I love the way you taste, all of you." He looked around. He hadn't really made a room all his before. He'd had his room at home. It was simple with pictures of his horses and himself, a big window that looked outside. He'd have taken something like that, but it was quite impossible here. He missed rolling hills and his horses, the beautiful landscape he grew up with. He'd trade it for being with Loki though, he'd trade anything for that. "I don't know, this is alright for now. Can you take me to my cube, and I'll grab my clothes and a bag of things to bring back and we're done. I don't have anything really. I'm ready to be here."
It seemed they had all learned something from this fiasco, which was about all any of them could hope for, really. Loki just hoped now that everything seemed to be settled, they could relax, Sky could get settled in the home they now shared and they could get back to figuring out the mysteries of this prison, and maybe a way for them all to leave without being separated (though that was the only way Loki would leave, if he didn’t also lose those important to him).
“I know, I do and I am trying, but it seems I am a work in progress.” He smiled softly at Sky, head tilting into his gentle touch. The idea that he deserved the love of one person was still a new concept to him, but two? Though he revelled in how happy it made him, he couldn’t stop worrying about how it could all go wrong. He pushed those negative thoughts from his head though, at least for the moment. Right now he had Sky here, happy and in his arms. How could he think anything but positive thoughts?
The kiss was sweet and yet passionate and Loki couldn’t help but marvel in what it meant to have such a thing. “Oh yes? Then you must taste me more often,” he said, half teasingly. He felt like he could kiss Sky forever and not get bored. His grin spread and he leaned in to kiss Sky once more quickly. “I will gladly take you to get your things. And we do not have to do anything to your room. Just know you can if you wish to.”
Loki pulled Sky in close and kissed him once more. “Here we go.” A moment later, they were in Sky’s cube, ready to get his things and leave the small cell behind for good.
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abit_ofboth) wrote2022-06-19 07:26 pm
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The one small saving grace was that he was with Duo. Loki trusted all the Gundam pilots, but of course Duo the most and he knew that Sky would be well taken care of. He was going to need to talk to Duo soon, get an update on how Sky was really doing and maybe cry on his shoulder as he tried to figure this all out.]
video message.
Hey love. I don't even know where to start. I guess I should start with I'm sorry. I did need time to process everything that happened. It... It was a big shock, and I think, I think I didn't realize how strongly I felt for Dean. I don't even know what happened, and I guess I blamed you where I don't even know if it was your fault completely. I'm sorry for that. It hurt so much.
I love you Loki. I hope you realize that will never, ever change. I promised you that, but I don't know if you realized how much I meant it. I know I'm not great with emotions yet, but when I love, I really do. I'm scared, I'm hurt, but I know that I really need to see you. I miss you so much, and I hate -I guess I hate the thought that Duo leaves here every night to sleep with you, and I don't. I want to be in your arms.
[tears flow now, and he's really sick and tired of crying so he gets a little angry at it, reaching up to fling them away with a small growl.] Fuck. I fucking hate this. I'm so tired of it all. I keep trying to shut it off, but I can't, I just can't. I'm so tired all the time. I, I need to see you and I hope that you'll see me. Please? I'm so sorry. I love you so much Loki. Can you forgive my stupid ass?
Re: video message.
It’s stunning to him that Sky still loves him, somehow, someway. Despite the previous messages where he’d been told the other man just needed more time, it had spelled doom to Loki’s mind. People did not usually forgive him for his more serious transgressions and this had felt quite serious. Still, through it all, he hadn’t been able to stop worrying about Sky. Waiting each night for Duo to arrive with an update on the specialist’s well-being. It hadn’t mattered to Loki how much pain he’d felt over what had happened, all that mattered was that Sky was okay.
The moment the video is done, Loki calls back. There are tears in his own eyes as he begins to speak.]
Can I come to you now? I would very much like to see you in person. I feel as though I should be asking you for forgiveness, not the other way around. I am home, if you would like to come here, or I can meet you there. Whatever is easier for you, I will do.
Re: video message.
Yes, I mean. I'm in Duo's room. It's mostly private for now. Unless you want me to come there. I don't want to leave you again Loki. Ever. Maybe I should come there. I think I need to make a few new promises to you, and ask a couple questions. Good ones. I love you. I love you so much. I'll be there as quick as I can.
Re: video message.
Yes, please come here. I do not wish to be interrupted. I... I love you too. More than you can know.
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By this time, Sky realized how young and alone he really was in the majority of things. He knew in his heart and the very fiber of his being that he loved and belonged to Loki. They'd barely had time to reconcile their feelings for one another, for Sky to even come to terms with it being real-- for him to stop pinching himself even, before what he considered a tragedy hit. He was fucking 19 for fucks sake. He'd had a total of three sexual partners in his life, and yes, it had equated to a lot of fucking sex. He was with his first true girlfriend a lot. She had used him, and he her for so many things. They were emotionally damaged, and codependent.
His second relationship barely lasted, and he'd been with her a scant amount of times even if he'd fallen for her. She took his heart from almost the first time they met, and then she was gone, giving up her life for the greater good. By then Sky had died, and killed, killed so many times, including his own father. It was life lived, but that didn't make him old. It gave him life, but he was still only nineteen in so many respects-- no one realized that lately, and they probably should have. Loki did, but Sky didn't think about it. He only knew how to run away at that point. He knew how to run away from the pain, and to hide.
That's what he'd done essentially. The pain had become too much, all of it. The emotions too much, the highs and lows, the rifts in his heart, even though there was so much good. It was right next to so much that stripped away all he'd gained in the prison along with it. Sky had trouble focusing on anything at all. It took going to the Gundam house to slowly refocus on who he was by himself as a person. Who was Sky, who did he love, why did he love him, and why did the other people in his life matter to him. What was he willing to live with and without. These were the questions he asked and answered.
The answer was quite simple when it came down to it all. He was Sky, a specialist from the Otherworld, who came to this prison for numerous crimes. He came, and he learned how to care more about people, and how to share himself in ways he never knew he could. Maybe he didn't do great with sex without emotions, so he'd do his best to stay closer to the people he knew.
The greatest thing he knew? He loved, and he loved without measure, without boundaries, and within a capacity that he'd never done before. So he waited on the doorstep, hopping back and forth until Loki answered that door, and the second it was answer, it was with unabashed freedom that Sky launched himself into his lover's arms. "Loki! My love, can you please forgive me. I am so so so so sorry for all the pain I put you through. I know that we have so much to talk about,but I want you to know that I love you above all else, and I will never take myself away from you like that again. I promise."
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Sky might be young, but mortals often forgot that Loki was actually quite young for his species. He was really only the equivalent of about 20 for his race. And the reality was, Sky had much more experience when it came to relationships. Before coming to Reparacija, Loki had never had a relationship like this. Duo was the first person he’d committed to in any significant way. All of his previous encounters of a sexual nature had been just that, sex. He hadn’t had trouble finding that kind of attention on Asgard. Many men and women had found him attractive enough and thought it might be a chance to find out more about Thor. Being royalty hadn’t hurt either, but no one had ever wanted more from the trickster prince.
As such, detaching his emotions from sex hadn’t just happened, it had been a necessity. Sex had allowed him to feel close to people and shutting off any associated emotions had allowed him to survive the aftermath. Before long it had become second nature, something he didn’t even notice anymore. Having feelings for someone he slept with was new for him and apparently he hadn’t been dealing with it well.
The second he heard Sky at the door, Loki teleported to the front hall and threw the door open. Within seconds he had an armful of the specialist and Loki felt absolutely overwhelmed. He wrapped his arms tightly around Sky and buried his face in his neck, trying to hold onto his own emotions as Sky spoke.
“You have nothing to apologize for. I am so sorry I hurt you. It was never my intention.”
no subject
It was very obvious now that he'd crossed a lot of boundaries in their relationship, and taken their love for granted, a thing that he would never do again. A thing that he never should have done in the first place, especially in the name of people he merely cared about. It was a rip through his heart, but it shouldn't have been a punishment for Loki. Sky had never intended it to be as such. He was now realizing that he'd inadvertently made it exactly that.
His joy turned to such sorrow and twisted around into guilt. He closed his eyes and held Loki even tighter if it were possible. "Shhh, shhh. No, it's okay. It's all okay, baby. I'm so sorry. I did this to you. I should never have done this. I was selfish Loki. You didn't mean for this to happen and no one could have fucking known that this would end up this way. No matter what was said, it was still words, and shit. I love you, and that means more to me than anything else, okay? More than Dean, and more than Castiel. Our relationship is way more important than theirs, or mine with them.
It was time for Sky to take Loki by the face and given that their heights were similar, he was actually able to pull the god's face around to look into his eyes. "Look at me now. Hear me right here. I was going to wait, but I'm going to make this promise to you. A promise. A vow. I take those seriously, and don't make them lightly. I swear to you now that I will never leave you like that again. I won't push you away in anger. I won't go to sleep with a fight between us. I don't even want to live as far away as I do. I will find a way to move closer some how. I need you Loki. I can't live without you in my life. I love you more than any problem I have, anything either of us suffer. Unless the prison drags me away, I am with you. " Sky took a deep breath, and leaned in and sealed his words with a soft brush of their lips.
The specialist didn't think that he'd ever spoken more important words beyond the first time he told Loki that he loved him. This was his vow, and he was incredibly serious about it. He kissed the side of the other's head, and into his hair. "I love you. I don't think I can say it enough. I was so wrong for this. I was lost in too many emotions, but they weren't your fault. I didn't know what to do with them so I ran, and you didn't deserve to be punished for that. Okay, my love. You didn't. This isn't your fault, and I swear from here on out, we will do this together."
no subject
It all made sense to him, really. Loki would likely have done the same thing. How could he fault Sky for being upset that he had lost someone close to him? Relationships of all kinds were often difficult and Loki could hardly blame Sky for wanting to figure some things out after everything that had happened. He was only sorry he couldn’t help fix things for him. And really, all Sky had asked for was time, which Loki had gladly given him, even if it had hurt to do so.
“No,” Loki said then, pulling back just enough so he could look Sky in the face, though he kept his eyes averted. He smiled softly even as his eyes shone with tears. “You did nothing wrong. I understand why you needed to go away for a while. What happened to you, whether intentional or not, was stressful, hurtful and hard. You had every right to be angry, and every right to deal with it however you needed. I am only sorry I couldn’t do more to help.” He was also sorry that he’d been a part of it at all. “You are allowed friends, you should have all the friends. I am so sorry things turned out as they did with Castiel and Dean. I hope one day they understand.” Loki knew that Cas and Dean hadn’t meant what happened to have happened, but hopefully one day they might understand why Sky reacted as he did.
It wasn’t until Sky firmly took his face in hand that Loki finally blinked and looked Sky in the eye. As Sky spoke, Loki let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding, his expression softening as the tears finally released and spilled down his cheeks, even as his smile widened. “I cannot tell you how good it is to see you, and to hear that. I had worried I had pushed too hard. I only hope you know I always had your best interest at heart, even if I went about it the wrong way.”
Loki sighed, leaning more against Sky. “I am simply glad you are okay.”
no subject
The people lost confused him, and he still couldn't completely make sense of it all. It confounded his head in the best of situations, even when he'd tried to come at it from a place of cold rationale, there was no filling in the gaps across what had happened. All he could do was face his truths and pull the parts of his life he could control back together.
He had those Norns to thank again that Loki was still even here for him after the things he'd done, the way he'd retreated into his own after sharing their love together so recently. It was a rough go, but love could be rough and Sky was finding out very quickly that it really was true love that held the distance between points and carried out when the rubber hit the road. Sky continued to shake his head as Loki gave him excuse after excuse. Sky didn't need them any longer. He'd come to his conclusions now, and he was happy to be here. He was relieved and finally at peace.
All he wanted was to feel Loki against him, to wrap himself up in the warmth of the other man and know that they weren't going to be apart anymore. "You can't push me too hard, love. I know you did what you did because you love me. It was a mess, and I didn't tell you all the facts, so it wasn't all your fault either. I think things ended up the way they were supposed to, fucking orgy. I am never going to go to one of those without you, or without supervision. " He laughed. He might go to one again, but it wouldn't be without someone with him all the time. Sky still enjoyed sex, but he was beginning to see that he was different about it than some people.
"I'm glad that you are okay too. " He kissed Loki again, breathing in the air of being together, of being able to touch Loki fully. His hands glided over a welcome form and slid under his shirt. "I don't ever want to be so far apart from you again. Mentally, or physically. I wouldn't live as far as I do if I didn't have to. I hate it."
no subject
In Loki's mind, Sky hadn't done anything that would make him leave. If anything, he'd thought Sky was going to be done with him. He couldn't have blamed him. Loki had lost him two of his closest friends in the prison. It didn't matter that it had not been his intention, Sky had every right to be upset. If anyone needed to thank the Norns, it was Loki for not pushing Sky away completely. Now he would do anything to make it up to him, to show him how much he loved him and wanted him around. Nothing less would do.
Loki hugged Sky tight, pressing his face into his neck and simply breathing him in for a moment. "I did, but I am very sorry it hurt you. I simply could not let it lie. I swear, I tried to be reasonable. I only wanted them to know so that they wouldn't repeat their actions in future. I thought there would be an apology and you would talk about it, not that they would abandon you. I cannot apologize enough. I should've thought through it more, but these things anger me so much now. I could not bear the thought of someone I love being hurt that way again.
"I think with some rules in place, it is possible you could have a good time at an orgy. These things are not for everyone though. You do not need to attend if another happens." Loki pulled back just enough to look Sky in the eyes again, wanting him to know he was serious. Not all kinks were for everyone and there was no shame in that.
A real and honest smile spread across Loki's face. "I do have another room, you know. I meant it when I said it is available to you whenever. That could be always, if you want it."
no subject
Chaos was the worst thing that plagued the specialist, and now that it was smoothing out, Sky would deal with the fallout the best he could. He had no idea what his relationships with people would look like from here on out, or if he'd have many other relationships, but he'd do his best to keep track of what he did have and to nourish it.
Taking a deep breath, he tried to calm Loki some. He shook his head. "It's truly okay. I am okay about it all. It happened and now they will live their best lives together. I will live my best life with you. If they don't understand us, and I don't understand them, then that's how it's going to be. We can't be angry about things we can't change. Don't be angry about the past, Loki. It only makes you stressed and bitter, and I found you like that. I mean, I enjoy fucking you out of it, but I don't like you in that mood."
There was a small smile on Sky's lips as he caught Loki's for a kiss, this one deeper than the last and full of intent and meaning. He wanted the god to remember what they really were to one another. He gripped tight at Loki's hair and yanked on it hard, gathering up his attention. He remembered all too well how loki responded to his dominance and Sky wouldn't hesitate to use it now. Biting at the god's lip, he sucked on it firmly until it dropped from between them.
Sky's lip curled at the side. "We'll see about an orgy if and when there is another one. What I want to hear again, is that you mean it about that room? I can come and live with you, at your house? You mean that I don't have to stay in that sorry fucking excuse of a cube? Loki..." He wrapped his arms tight around his lover again, and tried hard not to let himself cry from relief, but it was hard. The last thing that Sky wanted was to go back to that place alone again. He hated leaving the warmth of Loki's embrace, and to even have the chance of staying by his side as they slept now and then... it was a blessing.
no subject
While they might have a slightly differing opinion on chaos in general, Loki thought he could understand why Sky thought it a bad thing. It could certainly bring upheaval that was unwanted and that had certainly happened to the young specialist a lot lately. Still, he would agree that Sky was dealing with this all in a good way. Sometimes you could not control how others reacted and you simply had to learn to live with that, unfortunate as it might be.
Loki huffed slightly as Sky spoke, but a small smile also pulled at his lips. “I do not have a good record of controlling my emotions over such things very well. I do tend to blame myself when people I care for are hurt, largely because I am used to being the cause, but I am trying to be better. I am trying to let these things go, please know that.” And that was all he could really do at the moment. He would try, both for his own wellbeing and for Sky, but he didn’t want to make promises he wasn’t sure he could keep. Though with Sky, he would definitely try his best.
After everything they'd been through, Loki could hardly imagine forgetting, but even if he could, the fierce kiss and pull to his hair would have easily been enough to remind him. Loki gasped into the kiss before kissing back with everything he had. Sky was very correct, Loki have enjoyed his dominance quite a lot and this was bringing that all back to the forefront of his mind.
“Yes,” Loki said breathlessly with a wide smile on his face. “The room is all yours. You could move in right now if you want.” Loki felt like he was going to burst from both relief and happiness. He returned the embrace fully, laughing slightly as he felt overjoyed at the response he got. Not all that long ago he’d thought he’d lost Sky forever, so now to have this was more than he ever could’ve asked for.
no subject
The sex that he had with other people would most certainly be different, and it was doubtful that anyone would be able to gag or handcuff him in any near future. None of that was Loki's fault. The parts that Loki played in hurting Sky had been turned around. They had been forwarded into love, and love was something that Sky was learning how to do, and in leaps and bounds.
Allowing himself the freedom to let go, and really love this wonderful man in front of him was all the nurturing or payback he needed. Let everyone see what they had and be fucking jealous. Let them see that he can make it work, and that he's really fucking happy and not emotionally messed up anymore.
He nuzzled Loki after their exchange, and bit at his lip again playfully. "I'm not controlling myself. I'm focusing it all on you. All my pain and hurt I'm turning to love. Fuck anyone who ever doubted, who ever thought I couldn't get myself together and really love. Let them see us, and see what happy looks like. Let them see me living and not a basket case. That's revenge enough."
Looking around at the room, Sky laughed. He barely had anything in the tiny cube that he considered his, a few things the prison gave him for being good at fucking, and some clothes he bought. That was about it. He hadn't gone out of his way to make the tiny space his. This though, was more than enough. It already felt like home. "You know I'll be here tonight. I'll go get my stuff as soon as you're done helping me make this room officially mine... and yours." He laughed, and ran his fingers along the inside of Loki's shirt, tracing over remembered lines that he was beginning to grow attached to.
no subject
Loki still felt a lot of guilt surrounding how he had been one of the people to hurt Sky, but in retrospect, he knew there was little he could do about it other than move on. In future he would be more clear about what he might do if they were ever to attend an orgy together again, or they could set out rules. There were ways to deal with these things, ways he should have thought of before they had attended any orgy, but live and learn, he supposed. Now he knew to take extra special care with Sky and he vowed never to hurt him again.
A wide grin spread across Loki’s face. “Well, I admit I am enjoying the attention. You are right, revenge is best served by showing them how they do not affect your life anymore. You have me now, and I promise to always treat you well. You are wonderful and deserve nothing but the best. Everyone else can go to Hel.” He meant it. Sky was under his protection now. He knew he was getting along with others too. He didn’t need those who didn’t treat him as the most wonderful person Loki knew him to be.
Loki cupped Sky’s face before leaning in and placing a chased kiss on his lips. “You better be here tonight, and every other night.” With Sky moving into the last bedroom, Loki somehow felt complete. Like his found family was now all under one roof and he could relax, knowing he could keep them all safe. It wasn’t fully true, seeing as some also lived other places, and he had friends he would fight for as well, but it was still something that gave him more peace than he’d known was possible.
no subject
Echos of the pain that Sky felt when he'd seen Loki at the orgy still existed, but Sky had worked hard to forgive the man he loved over the time they'd been apart. There had been a lot of work done in Sky's heart and mind. He was angry for a while, but with some focused training and letting himself actually feel his emotions instead of trying to always repress them all, Sky managed to get through it all. Now he felt worlds better about everything. He came to the conclusion that he'd just shared with Loki, a healthy one. Finally.
"I know you will, love. You always do treat me well and the times when we've had misunderstandings it's mainly been because we didn't communicate before, or didn't understand one another. The rest of the world around us really can go fuck off." Nuzzling into Loki's embrace, Sky fingered over the smooth skin of Loki's back tracing up along the well known places of his spine, and into the small secret places he knew where all the dips and muscles traded off into sensitive spots that made the god sigh.
"I will never ever need to sleep without you. I think that will be one thing I'd like to make sure of, is that no matter what this prison does, is that I'll come home to you every night, to kiss your face, and love you some before bed." He hoped that one day they'd be able to sleep in the same bed at night, but he knew that for now it was good enough that he had a room in the same house and that he could make the promise to always come home, and never stay the night at another person's house. This was a tiny show of love that he could give in a prison that made relationships so very difficult.
no subject
“I must apologize for my part of not communicating well. I know sometimes I seem to have it all together, but relationships truly are quite new to me, at least this kind of relationship. It was not something I ever thought I could have or even deserved so I never put much thought into it. I am afraid it has been a bit of a learning curve.” He smiled softly at Sky, just so happy he hadn’t ruined everything. He might have to actually start praying to the Norns if his luck kept up like this.
Sky’s words filled him with a sense of peace he hadn’t often known. It felt like a promise with more intent than Loki was used to and he truly couldn’t be happier. He didn’t actually need Sky to promise these things, but he appreciated it none-the-less. “Then I shall look forward to every evening and every moment we spend together. Now, after you get your things, we can see about making your room more to your style, if you wish. It is really quite generic right now. Please know you may do with it anything you wish and I would gladly help with whatever you may need.”
no subject
"We all have trouble with talking sometimes. You can't fucking blame yourself all the time. I know that you're new to relationships like this, and so am I. I only had one screwed up relationship before this with Stella, and one that... well, you know what happened to Bloom. I told you earlier. I used to blame myself, but I know it's not all my fault. You deserve both Duo and myself. You're wonderful, and I'm so lucky to fucking have you." He brushed his fingers along Loki's face and leaned in to kiss him softly, nuzzling their lips together before tracing the outside of Loki's lips with his tongue, flicking across them playfully with a smile.
"I love the way you taste, all of you." He looked around. He hadn't really made a room all his before. He'd had his room at home. It was simple with pictures of his horses and himself, a big window that looked outside. He'd have taken something like that, but it was quite impossible here. He missed rolling hills and his horses, the beautiful landscape he grew up with. He'd trade it for being with Loki though, he'd trade anything for that. "I don't know, this is alright for now. Can you take me to my cube, and I'll grab my clothes and a bag of things to bring back and we're done. I don't have anything really. I'm ready to be here."
no subject
“I know, I do and I am trying, but it seems I am a work in progress.” He smiled softly at Sky, head tilting into his gentle touch. The idea that he deserved the love of one person was still a new concept to him, but two? Though he revelled in how happy it made him, he couldn’t stop worrying about how it could all go wrong. He pushed those negative thoughts from his head though, at least for the moment. Right now he had Sky here, happy and in his arms. How could he think anything but positive thoughts?
The kiss was sweet and yet passionate and Loki couldn’t help but marvel in what it meant to have such a thing. “Oh yes? Then you must taste me more often,” he said, half teasingly. He felt like he could kiss Sky forever and not get bored. His grin spread and he leaned in to kiss Sky once more quickly. “I will gladly take you to get your things. And we do not have to do anything to your room. Just know you can if you wish to.”
Loki pulled Sky in close and kissed him once more. “Here we go.” A moment later, they were in Sky’s cube, ready to get his things and leave the small cell behind for good.